Monday, October 31, 2011

Mrs. Kardashian

I just have to start out by saying how shocking of a morning this has been! It was made known to me by a gossip website newspaper that Kim Kardashian is getting a divorce! I know! I could not believe it either! At first I was not quite sure on how to deal with these emotions. I knew the first thing I had to do was to log on to   was get on my blog and write all about these mixed emotions I am having.

Let’s start off by talking about the wedding. Now for any of you reality TV show junkies out there, you know what I am talking about. They had a whole special about it on the E network called “Kim’s Fairy Tale Wedding” And what a fairytale it was! I don’t know what made this wedding more spectacular! It was supposed to be one of the most talked about weddings of all time. So grand that her mom made sure to have her plastic surgery scheduled and over with just in time for the wedding.

 Maybe it was Kim's 20 carat diamond ring that really made all of the fairy tale details really come together. 

Or could it have been the real diamonds she had dangling off of her forehead? I dunno it is kind of a tossup.

Okay I gave it some thought and I think I know now. I think the thing that really tied everything together was the fact that even the bride’s maids were all dressed in white .

Plus, what better dress for the mother of the bride to wear than something form fitting and white that has a huge bow on the front? Nothing says " I am recovering from a face lift because I wanted to look my best for my daughter’s wedding and I hope no one notices so I will just go ahead and wear this as a distraction”  more than a 2 foot bow on your rack! No you are not the only one who hated loved this dress. I hated loved it too!

It was about as great as the hat Princess Beatrice wore to Prince Williams wedding. It really added that special extra touch that we were all looking for. Nothing screams out classy more than a hat that looks like a toilet bowl pretty bow.

Well all I can say is that it is a good thing that Mrs. Kardashian had a prenuptial agreement in place. Because if not Mr. Humphrey could have taken her for all she had!

  That would have been absolutely devastating! She could have possibly ended up as a vagabond! Or worse case scenario. Having to clean her own bathroom or heaven forbid buy her own groceries!

*Sigh*so here I sit trying to think about what Reality TV star I can stalk next. 
I will go ahead and continue to dip my hand in my red bag of Lindt Chocolate Truffles as I figure out a way to try and pull myself back together.

Thursday, October 27, 2011


If you think about it, Halloween is actually a weird holiday. I was reading online about how it came about. In a nutshell, it is a holiday that we use to celebrate the dead. It marks the new season of cold, darkness and death. How does dressing up as a lady bug or a fairy princess celebrate anything that has to do with death though? It boggles my mind.

I would also like to know whose idea it was to start carving faces into squash.

I find it interesting that we take holidays and completely transform them into something just as an excuse to act either dumb or greedy. When we are approaching a holiday, any rational behavior or common sense we might have had goes right out the window.

Most cities have more than one gas station in every zip code followed by a few grocery stores. You know what that means? It means that we have easy access to candy all year round! Why go and buy the candy though when you can walk around in the cold for a few hours? Why, when you can get a bag full of mostly mystery candy that might or might not have been poisoned? Inspecting each individual piece to make sure no one has either poisoned it or has shoved razor blades in any of the Baby Ruth’s or Almond Joy's is a lot more entertaining.
Come Halloween time there is always a game plan made among those who you are going trick or treating with. You map out what neighborhoods you would like to hit up first. Normally starting with the neighborhoods where all the rich people live in, because supposedly we all think the rich people will have better candy. Don’t feel dumb, I do it also.

After trick or treating you always end up with a big bag full of candy. It seems like a lot because there is all the crap candy taking up ¾ of your pile. Go ahead and just consider them as fillers. 

 You pick out the good stuff first (the chocolate)

  You are left with a pillow case or plastic pumpkin full of ghetto candy. The ghetto candy is what sits on top of your fridge for the next few months. Even though you know that all the candy left is nasty, you still find yourself going through it every couple days in hopes to find something new. You never do and so you settle for the stale packet of Sweet Tarts. Then there is the mystery candy at the bottom of the bag that has fallen out of the wrapper. You don't throw it away though, because that would be too much effort. You just keep it in your stash.

  If you really want to make people mad while passing out candy, give out miniature boxes of raisins. Nothing says “screw you” more than a box of dried up grapes. Have any of you been lucky enough to find these in your stash of candy or is it just me?

 Once you start eating your candy, you will continue until you feel sick. You know why you don’t stop just after three pieces? Because you earned your candy! You have no choice but to eat the good stuff ASAP!. If you don’t hurry and eat the goods, you know one of your other family members will sneak in your stash and eat it for you. We have all found ourselves asking “Who ate my Reese's Pieces peanut butter cups!?!”

Once we have sorted out all of the candy, you will then find yourself trying to either trade or negotiate other pieces of candy amongst your friends and family. Kind of like “I will give you my packet of skittles and these five yellow star bursts if I can have one of your Butterfingers” type deal.

I am still amazed at people who will leave a bucket of candy outside their door with a note that says “Please only take one.” That bucket of candy is normally empty with the first 4 kids who discover it. 

It is selfish and greedy I know. But candy does that to people. I don’t know why we act like this. Could it be the crack that I swear they put in the snack size Snicker bars? Probably so!

  Is it the sugar rush from the candy corn that causes us to  lie and tell people   “ My little brother is at home sick and so I am trick or treating for him” as you hold up an plastic pumpkin in hopes to score more candy for yourself? And don’t pretend you don’t know what I am talking about.

I also find it odd that women can get away with dressing like a cheap hooker just because it is Halloween.

 I am still amazed every year at how a once innocent costume from when I was a kid, has been turned into something trashy. If you go into your Halloween store to look at the women’s costume selection, be prepared to be disappointed. Really all they are is lingerie with a theme. 

For example, Strawberry Shortcake is no longer some innocent character. She now looks like a street walker who passes out her berries for free. 

Don’t even get me started on what they did to Rainbow Brite. It just makes me sad. Something tells me that Starlite is not the only thing she has been riding.